and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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