he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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