Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
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We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
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She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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