Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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