He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
