I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
