You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
