hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
