does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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