So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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