recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
