I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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