I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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