She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
