he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize