Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
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I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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