If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
