Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
