how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
