Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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