3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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