Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
