It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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