I love black thongs
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
