girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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