You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
