We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize