Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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