for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
