During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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