Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
