girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You're like the curious george of whores
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
