That's when you crack a 10am beer
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
two words: eviction party
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
