woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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