Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
