My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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