Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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