i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
