So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
