it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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