I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
