where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
