My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
