Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
