Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
