Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
