Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
