She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
