he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
