He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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