omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Randomize
