So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
