I hope mine doesn't look like that
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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