My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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