my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
