he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
