3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
