drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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