my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
