the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
