What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize