I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
