At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
