STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
