You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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