btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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