4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
