Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
