i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
