that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
