Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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