this boner is exhausting
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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