Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Semen is not good for contacts.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
