We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
