so explain again why im purple
no
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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