I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
