According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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